Just got back from a wonderful weekend in Jerusalem. It is always such an interesting experience to get on a bus on the bottom of the mountain and get off of it in the bustling (and sort of disgusting) central bus station in Jerusalem. It is this really stark reminder of the urban poverty and social inequality that pervades this country (and the world) but seems so distant and unimaginable from Maale Gilboa.
On Thursday night I stayed at my friend Yitz’s house and had a really amazing and fun Thanksgiving dinner that he hosted. He invited tons of his Israeli friends from yeshiva (and other places) and made an incredibly turkey (I made stuffing for the first time in my life – didn’t come out too bad at all either). It was a lot of fun to celebrate Thanksgiving with a lot of Israelis for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was able to make up a different story for the history of the holiday every time I talked to somebody, and two it was basically much more of a cool chill party than a boring formal dinner. I also got to videochat with my entire family right before they went to their dinner in New York. It was so nice and just lovely to see all of their faces and all of them together. This time of year definitely makes me think about home and miss it a bunch so it was really great to see them. (Confession: I also miss the crappy Christmas music you hear all over America when it gets cold. My friends and I listened to a whole lot of it while making Thanksgiving food 🙂 )
During Friday night dinner I had a really interesting conversation that I have been thinking about basically ever since. The conversation was about the merits of the Charedi (ultra-Orthodox) world (among other things). A number of people were being very critical of the charedi world (to a large part rightfully so) critiquing their gender norms, their insularity along with many of their other values.
I somehow found myself in a rather strange position defending the charedi community despite the fact that I ultimately agreed with a lot of their critiques. I said that I felt that despite all of the strange – and at times offensive and oppressive – things that happen in the Charedi world, we more ‘modern’ ‘liberal’ and ‘tolerant’ Jews have a lot to learn from them. I cited the amazing job that the ultra-Orthodox community does in taking care of marginalized people within their own community (the elderly and sick), how careful they are to not speak lashon harah (gossip about other people’s backs), and to return lost objects/not use other people’s property without their explicit permission.
As soon as I said that I saw the entire right side of the shabbat table jump out of their seats. People were not happy with me. The names of all of my favorite critical theorists were thrown at me, all of course ‘proving’ how wrong I was and how bad the charedi world is. Many of their critiques were of course correct so that didn’t bother me. What bothered me was what came after that. People wondered how dare I find value – or even search for value – in the Charedi lifestyle when it was so obviously immoral, disgusting, and backwards.
And then it sort of struck me. We live in this post-structuralist world where anybody and everybody can deconstruct and tear down any statement that somebody makes in order to show their inherent (or subconscious) rasicm/sexism/classism/whatever-ism-you-want. I can do it pretty easily (and probably spent too much of my time in college doing it.) What I realized is that while it is so easy to critique other people (and ourselves) to the thousanth degree – it is so much harder to search for the good amongst the bad.
I think that the challenge for people in my generation is no longer to be critical thinkers/intellectuals. That is easy. The challenge for us is to love. We (and I speak mainly of myself here) are probably too quick to judge and too slow to love. Part of loving somebody is that when you love them you accept them for all of their good things and their bad. You don’t leave them because they are flawed. Instead, we sort of overlook the minor flaws, try to correct the major flaws but what we really do is we focus on the good things – the components of these people that remind us of why we love them.
It seems to me that folks in our culture – myself very much included- could gain a lot from trying to love more. Of course the ultra-Orthodox world has serious problems but if we tried to push ourselves to find the good within them we would probably grow and learn a tremendous amount from them.
I think however that this goes even farther, there is also real evil in the world and my sense (and I may and am probably wrong here but would love to hear people’s thoughts) is that if we pushed ourselves to try to love (if the language of love is too strong think of just trying to understand) the perpetrators of all of these ugly and horrible things – we would not only grow tremendously ourselves, but we would radically change the people and situations around us as well. (This is a more complicated point but for the sake of space won’t go in to it now – maybe later).
I hope this wasn’t too much of a crazy rant from a man on top of a mountain. Would love to hear people’s thoughts as always. Hope you’re all doing most excellently.
Lots of love,
Ariel
Lights In Darkness 
Hey Ariel. On my drive back from my own mountaintop today, I listened to an “On Being” podcast interview with David Hartmann. He spoke somewhat to the discussion you bring up. His own life seems to reflect the disagreement you describe: “I was brought up in a very chasidic family, and I went to orthodox schools. I was a nice religious boy until I began to read. That all changed. [I read] William James, John Dewey, American pragmatism. They grabbed be, also Peter Burger and Brown. You see I was already moving away from conventional orthodoxy. I wasn’t satisfied with the answer. And with William James I met a finite God, which was a pleasure. So God was limited…” I think it is this notion of a “finite God” –though I haven’t read Hartman’s new book the God Who Hates Lies, that allows him to resolve some of the fundamental conflicts between a critical, modern experience and traditional orthodoxy. He writes that one recurring theme he experienced as a rabbi was “the agonizing confrontation that occurred when religious demands were felt to conflict with deeply held rational commitments and ethical intuitions.” I think your suggestion (to see the good/understand/love) is part of the answer to this conflict, but only as a guiding orientation, not any sort of resolution. These conflicts speak to deep fissures in the Jewish world about what God is and how the idea of God relates to the society we (should) live in. Have you read Hartman’s book? If you have, maybe you can speak to this more than I can. In any case, you should listen to the podcast. Hope you’re well, Ariel!
Harry
I look forward to the day when Modern Orthodox Jews will love both Chareidim and Conservative Jews.
Ariel — Yasher Koach! That was very moving and important.
“I also got to videochat with my entire” – and at this point the line break gave me a second to anticipate the coming words “house from college” and I imagined I had missed the epic funhouse chat. It’ll happen one day
Nice post
Nice post, Ariel. From my perch at the same Shabbat meal, I think you have somewhat exaggerated the push-back you got from other guests. There was a lively exchange and people did point out some of the serious caveats on the positive things you acknowledged (which I know that you know but which they had no reason to know that you know), but while you may have _seen_ the entire right side of the table jump out of their seats, I don’t think that’s what happened. You just got challenged. Remember also that most of the strongest push backs at the table came from religious Yerushalmi women, who are positioned most to feel the sharpest blades of the antagonistic and dangerous contributions of Haredi society (especially of late), have had the least access to the spiritual intensity of sectors of Haredi society, while probably spending much time with male friends who have been able to pop into Haredi society for spiritual stimulation and who have romanticized those experiences, while relegating some of women’s experiences to “unpleasant/uncomfortable”, but not grasping the fear/danger aspects. I recognize that it was not those aspects of Haredi society that you were most highlighting for generous assessment (rather, the strong, internal G”Mach culture and the like), but part of the posture of love and generous assessment that you are suggesting pushes me to have a lot of empathy with folks who don’t know you hearing what you said as bearing echos of all those other things.
I agree with you that it is worth asking seriously why so many people are drawn to the Haredi culture(s) and what is strong about them and what deficiencies in our own culture(s) they highlight. I also think that a very powerful, yet insufficiently explored, common ground between the position you were advocating and the more critical posture of your interlocutors, is for us actually to see Haredi society/ies not monolithically, but as a complex eco-system, with lots of internal power plays, frictions, etc., like any other. Where Martha Nussbaum and others are strong in defending versions of liberalism against post-colonialist claims that who are we to judge another’s culture, is that _that_ expression of post-colonialism also disrespects the other culture, b/c it conspires with the current ruling powers in that culture to suppress the voices of other, disempowered members of that culture, who don’t have a stake in the current regime and on who’s backs it sustains itself. Your interlocutors at the table had good points from their own vantage point, but they missed an important point toward speaking to _your_ point, which is to say that if we really want to appreciate Haredi society, that also includes appreciating the experiences of the many Haredi women who have been turning to political voices outside of their community to help stop bus segregation, for example; or the large Haredi clientele of the Jerusalem Open House, and on and on. Viewing those folks as deviant privileges those in their community who have the power right now to silence them but may or may not be representative of the full breadth of the community.
You are right that empathy and love are essential avenues for engagement, but they are inept without also being critical and evaluative. In fact, they often become veils for violence masquerading as empathy and love.
Hey Aryeh,
Where does Martha Nussbaum make the case for liberalism against post-colonialist critique?
Harry
“Sex and Social Justice” (Oxford U. Press, 1998) Nussbaum sides with Catharine MacKinnon’s strong critique of liberalism’s frequent use in law and culture — the abstract liberalism which submerges the realities of systemic subordination and acts as though each individual already is equally free — but she argues (convincingly, in my opinion) that MacKinnon really argues from with liberalism, which is ultimately about everyone’s freedom in real space and time.
what is post-structurialism/deconstructionism?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-structuralism
Good luck.
;>)
Nice post. I also appreciate what Aryeh said.
I was also part of an enlightening thanksgiving dinner conversation this week in Jerusalem, where I happened to be the only Jew/Israeli among many Americans and Germans. They were all bitterly anti-Israel and while I agreed with many of their criticisms, I found myself a bit on the defensive too. When someone said to me, “how can you live here!? how can anyone live here?!” it suddenly hit me in a way it never has before that what makes Israel so hard to live in is exactly what makes it necessary that I and leftists like me should stay here.
But what helped me resolve the tension in the room was being compassionate to the suffering of these newbies in Israel. When they felt heard, they could hear my perspective.
Where you say the challenge is to love, I would say the challenge is to be compassionate to other’s perspective…while as Aryeh said, remain critical and in touch with our ethics, values, and selves.